Saturday, September 27, 2008

What I always wanted...

I've always wanted dimples.

When I was a kid I used to stand in front of the mirror for hours scrunching up my face, twisting it this way and that searching for that cute little indentation that signified sweetness. I never found one. (At least not on my face.)

And how I wished for long hair. Long, flowing, beautiful hair that I could put into piggy-tails or a sweet side-pony or just leave it down and flip it over my shoulder.

To me, long hair said, "You're pretty and beautiful and gorgeous because your hair is long and flowy!"

One summer when I was at the commodity center (a small town thrift store that my grandma used to take us to when we were little) I spotted a WIG. It was divine. It was long, straight, brown and luscious and I wanted it more than anything. I imagined going back to school that fall wearing that wig and EVERYONE would say, "Oh my heck! Your hair is soooooo long!!! We didn't realize how beautiful you were until just now! Will you be my best friend because you have such awesome hair??"

But I didn't buy the wig.

It was a combination of only having a dollar to spend (and it was more) and the fear of revealing my secret wish to my sisters who would never understand my secret wish and would tease me RELENTLESSLY.

I was also cursed with straight teeth, so my hope of having cute braces or even an awesome retainer was snuffed out.

I just KNEW I could be cute with braces though.

I discovered that tinfoil was a nice substitute. I would fold it around my teeth to make it look like I had braces. (I probably looked like "JAWS" on that one James Bond movie.)

Sometimes I would forgo the tinfoil and take a paper clip and shape it into a "retainer". This was more convincing I believe. Except that the only way I could keep the "retainer" in my mouth was to hold the ends down between my back teeth which probably made it look like my jaw was wired shut. I didn't think of that at the time. I just thought that when I smiled I was cuter than anything with my "retainer" in my mouth.

Another thing that I always wanted was GLASSES.

Again, I just knew that I would look beautiful WITH glasses. At school I would ask to try on my friends glasses and they would say, "Oh, you look so cute with glasses!" Or, "They make you look really smart." Curse these 20/20 eyes of mine!!!

In high school I actually borrowed a friends glasses for the day. No matter that I couldn't really see through the prescription. I felt like I had a spotlight following me around. Everyone noticed me and it was AMAZING.

In my junior year I convinced my mom that things were getting a little "fuzzy". She took me to the eye doctor and low and behold.... I NEEDED GLASSES. You don't know how my heart fluttered at this wonderful news! My life was FINALLY going to have MEANING.

The first day I wore my glasses to school I felt the spotlight again. It was everything I had hoped! I did look smart. I WAS cute! Who would have guessed that a pair of glasses had such POWER to transform?? I now had friends (glasses-less friends) asking ME if they could try on MY glasses. I loved, loved, LOVED my glasses. They opened doors for me. Not just because I could see. No, it was much more than that. I could now be SEEN. And life was good.

Fast forward 15 years....

"Oh Lasik why do you cost so much!!!!"

It really sucks that my eyes are so bad. With out glasses or contacts I can't tell if that's one of my kids or a chair... wait, nope it's a plant.

Husband fixing the drain in the shower (again) pulls out a gross-out mess of slimy, icky-looking-and-smelling wad of... long hair. I know it's mine yet I'm still repulsed.

I hate, hate, HATE going to the dentist. He always says the same thing, "We're going to have to do a root canal on that one and crown it."

I have more stinkin crowns than Queen Elizabeth. I just want to have nice teeth that don't get cavities, that don't have to have fillings and root canals and crowns.

I still want dimples though.

But only on my face.

And please not in my chin either because that's not cute. How about just on my left cheek and ONLY when I smile and not too deep a crevice and...


The Marlin's said...

Funny...Doesn't everyone always want something better, then you get it and it wasn't as cool as you thought. The grass always seems greener on the other side. I guess I should consider myself lucky. I do have dimples you just can't see them for my chubby cheeks.

Aaron/Kami said...

That was so stinkin hilarious! I was laughing so hard... probably because I used to do the whole paper clip/retainer thing too! :)

Brenda Lee said...

Yeah...I'm laughing so hard, I have tears in my eyes. Thanks...being your sister, I can relate to EVERYTHING you said. In fact, in my research as a child, I found that a Hostess Ding Dong wrapper was a nice substitute for the "braces look" that we so desparately wanted to achieve. Hahaha. We were such nerds! Dimiples? They are really cute, just anywhere but not on my ass!

Carey said...

Good grief who hasn't done the paper clip retainer or the tinfoil braces. I know I have! hahahahaha...

The Lovell's said...

It's good to know just how "normal" I really was.

I'm now going to put up the paperclips so that my kids don't try this at home.